Love Bombing

Have you ever been love bombed?

Love bombing is a sneaky form of emotional manipulation.

The love bomber comes on strong—really strong. They gush about how incredible you are, how long they’ve been waiting for someone like you, and how excited they are for your future together. You’re swept off your feet… and then they vanish.

For example, this might look like someone texting you every morning after just one or two dates with “Good morning, beautiful,” or dropping lines like “You’re the kind of person I’d introduce to my parents” before they even know your coffee order.

Why Do People Love Bomb?

Love bombers are playing a game—whether conscious of it or not. Rather than genuinely getting to know you, they fixate on making you fall for them. They neither examine their own feelings nor consider the damage they cause by making empty promises.

This behavior often stems from unmet childhood needs. These individuals have learned to use charm and intensity to gain attention and validate their own self-worth.

Why Is Love Bombing Harmful?

Why The Term Matters

When we put a name to something, we gain clarity and understanding, which empowers us to create change.

Many love bombers may not be aware of the damage their actions inflict. Identifying this behavior can serve as a crucial first step in encouraging them to reflect and evolve.

How To Spot a Love Bomber

Ask yourself these questions:

Is this person coming on really strong, really quickly? Does it feel too good to be true? Trust your gut—if something feels off, it probably is.

Are they using sweeping, romantic phrases like, “I’ve never met anyone like you,” or “I think I’m falling for you,” even though you’ve only known each other for a few days?

Are they making big plans too soon? If you’re on a first date in February and they’re saying, “Let’s plan a summer trip together!” that’s a red flag.

Finally, a concrete example of love bombing is if they’re super lovey-dovey one day, and silent the next. Or maybe they’ll even start saying disrespectful or critical things to you. This is hot and cold behavior.

What is Not Love Bombing

Don’t let love bombers ruin dating for you. If someone shows you genuine interest and affection, that’s not love bombing—it’s healthy and wonderful. The difference lies in the speed and intensity.

Love bombing is like trying to microwave a relationship—it might feel warm and exciting at first, but it’s not sustainable. Healthy relationships take time to simmer and grow.

Our advice

If someone’s moving too fast—like declaring you’re their soulmate after two dates—take a step back. True intimacy is earned over time, not rushed. Let the relationship unfold naturally, at a pace that feels comfortable for you.

To determine whether someone is genuinely interested in you or if they are love bombing, consider the following key differences and signs:

Signs of Love Bombing

1. Excessive Affection Early On: If their expressions of love and admiration feel disproportionately intense compared to how well you know each other, it may be a red flag. For example, declarations like “You’re my soulmate” after just a few dates can indicate love bombing.
2. Constant Communication: Love bombers often overwhelm you with messages, calls, and social media interactions. They may expect immediate responses and feel upset if you don’t reply promptly.
3. Isolation Tactics: A love bomber may try to isolate you from friends and family by demanding your time and subtly criticizing those close to you. This behavior aims to increase their control over your life.
4. Over-the-Top Gestures: Look for extravagant gifts or grand romantic plans that seem inappropriate for the stage of your relationship. Genuine interest typically involves more modest gestures aligned with the relationship’s pace.
5. Inconsistent Boundaries: If they disregard your boundaries or become upset when you need space, this is a significant warning sign. Healthy relationships respect individual boundaries and allow for personal time.

Signs of Genuine Interest

1. Pacing of Affection: Someone genuinely interested in you will express feelings that align with the depth of your relationship. They might say, “I enjoy spending time with you,” rather than jumping to declarations of love.
2. Respect for Boundaries: A person who truly cares will respect your need for space and will not pressure you into spending all your time together. They will check in without being possessive.
3. Consistent Actions: Genuine interest is characterized by consistent behavior that matches their words. They will show interest in your life and hobbies without trying to rush the relationship.
4. Healthy Communication: Instead of overwhelming you with messages, they will communicate openly and respectfully, checking in occasionally rather than constantly needing reassurance.
5. Supportive Behavior: A genuinely interested partner will encourage your connections with friends and family rather than trying to isolate you from them.

Conclusion

To assess whether someone is genuinely interested or love bombing you, reflect on how their actions make you feel. Trust your instincts—if something feels off or overwhelming, it’s worth taking a step back to evaluate the relationship dynamics more clearly. Open communication about your feelings and boundaries can also help clarify intentions on both sides.

Ask yourselves