Let’s be real—dating is stressful. We often show up armed with a mental checklist: Do they have a good job? Are they funny? How’s their hairline holding up? But here’s the catch: while you’re busy playing checklist bingo, you might miss the real question—How do they make me feel?
The Problem with Traditional Dating Checklists
There’s nothing wrong with having standards (we’re not telling you to settle for someone who eats cereal with water), but the typical dating checklist focuses on surface-level traits. Good hair, great job, or their favorite Netflix show? None of these guarantee long-term relationship success. The real magic lies in emotional compatibility, which requires you to dig deeper.
Enter the Post-Date Eight
Relationship expert Logan Ury proposes a refreshingly introspective approach to dating: the Post-Date Eight. Instead of obsessing over external traits, these questions encourage you to reflect on how you felt during and after the date. Think of it as an emotional audit—your way of figuring out if someone is truly worth a second round of cocktails (or coffee).
The Post-Date Eight: Your New Dating Decoder
After your next date, skip the superficial evaluation and ask yourself these game-changing questions:
- What side of me did they bring out?
Were you playful? Deep and reflective? Awkward but in a cute way? Notice if they bring out a version of you that you like. - How did my body feel during the date?
Pay attention to physical cues. Were you relaxed and at ease, or did your shoulders creep up to your ears from tension? - Do I feel more energized or de-energized than I did before the date?
Great connections leave you buzzing with energy. If you feel drained, that’s a red flag. - Did I feel comfortable being myself around them?
If you had to fake laugh at their bad jokes or suppress your love for pineapple pizza, it might not be the right fit. - What did I appreciate about them?
Did they have a kind smile, an interesting perspective, or a knack for making you laugh? Take note of the positives. - What did I find challenging or concerning about them?
Did they interrupt you constantly or talk way too much about their crypto portfolio? These are things to consider. - Did I feel a sense of connection with them?
A spark isn’t just about chemistry; it’s also about feeling seen and understood. - How likely am I to want to see them again?
Trust your gut. If you’re excited about a second date, that’s a good sign. If not, thank you, next!
Why This Works
The Post-Date Eight focuses on introspection. It’s less about evaluating them and more about understanding your own reactions. This helps you gauge emotional compatibility and prevents you from getting distracted by shiny—but irrelevant—traits.
The Takeaway
Dating isn’t about ticking boxes; it’s about creating meaningful connections. So, the next time you go on a date, ditch the superficial checklist and embrace the Post-Date Eight. Who knows? The person who brings out your best self might just be the one.